HURD65 (11:25:20 PM):and home will just be where your family is and friends
today was suppose to be the happiest day of the year i almost let something stupid ruin that well not really something "stupid" just something that is going to make me a stronger person in the future
I could not ask for a better family.
seriously i don't think i could ever connect with anyone as much as i do with you someone who i only see once a year
"Life is just a pace-car on death" too much blue never looked good on anyone and a frown upside down shines brighter then you think these are the good days whether you realize it or not we have it so easy, and now is the time to appreciate it
"People put music in such a weird context, like it's a life-or-death matter. It's not. It's music." -Andrew Seward, Against me!
"There's a lot to be said for bands who fight to be relevant. But convincing people you're relevant? That's like telling people it's not raining when they're soaking wet." -Pete Wentz, fall out boy
its amazing how when you read something that you can relate to, something just clicks and you don't feel so alone any more...
"love the fact that no matter how crappy your day is and how much you have going on you can just lay down in bed, put some music on, and close your eyes and you immidiately feel better. it's like emotional tylenol.
as lame as this sounds, i wish that i could thank my favorie bands for getting me through the hardest times of my life. i don't know. i guess i just think it's amazing that i have something, that no matter how mad or sad or pissed i'm feeling, will make me feel better. i really hope that everyone has something like this. i guess for some people it's sports or movies or writing or drawing or painting. for me it's music. playing it, listening to it, attempting to write it. it makes everything better. at least for that moment.
for the few people that bother to read this i'm going to leave you with a quote that has always stuck in my head but i just remembered today. it's not even so much of a quote as it is a whole livejournal entry, but read it. i promise you you won't regret it. if you're like me you might even relate to some of it. i guess it's not even totally on the topic of what i've been talking about, but some of it is. and in general it's just something that i think you all should read. i'm going to stop rambling and copy and paste this thing. enjoy."
we were attracted to the life for a reason. we sing the songs of rebellion and raise our fists against it all. we chant slogans and read books and find music in opposition. in protest of a life we dont want. a refusal of common and boring. our dissent boils over with middle fingers and blue hair. because fuck them, right? they dont get it. they dont see what we see. they dont live the lives we do. no one understands but those singers and those with the heart to hold the protest signs. and thats fine. better than fine...
but why? for what?
be different. be weird. be unique. be gay. be free. be fucked. color your hair. rip your clothes. tattoos your skin. read books your parents told you not to. watch documentaries. listen to artists. love who you want. stand for a cause. raise your voice. oppose the haters. speak up.
but remember why you do it.
if you have green hair and you dont know why, fuck you. if you sing along to the rally song for the hook, fuck you. if you pick up a cause and dont know why, fuck you. if you tour the country in a broken van and dont see the beauty in 3am gas station dinners, dont do it.
i dont know your inspiration, i only know mine. this scene. this culture. this community...is a parachute, not a destination. its a scope for your high-powered rifle of splendor and wonderment.
there is supposed to be a purpose behind all of this. not all that DIY/punk ethos im always talking your ear off about...but about building a better life for yourself. we are attracted to this for a reason. in the beginning it all seems so clear but after time, tends to lose its luster. the image gets smudged by back-stabbing, scene points, who got to the barricade first, list spots, message board drama, backstage passes and name dropping. dont you remember why you wanted this? when it was more than music. when it was a fight. and not a fight against your parents and the kids at school or even the popular radio dance crap you hear day in and day out, when it was about a real fight...the fight to save yourself from yourself.
see, this isnt about that hot and sweaty feeling of being smashed in a sea of a thousand people or dressing up for the show on friday or throwing elbows at the dude who is sweating all up on your back or winking at the bass player or impressing boys or girls or bands or security guards or getting on tour busses... its about being alone in your room with headphones on and feeling it so hard it brings tears to your eyes. its about driving home alone at night and screaming at the top of your lungs to words that at that moment in the world, only you understand. its about not being scared anymore. its about the refusal to sit on a couch and rot. its about forcing yourself out the door to be productive. and its about wanting to live so hard you just know you're going to shred this world or go out trying.
while you're off playing 'punk' or whatever it is your crazy kids do these day, remember one thing... this is not here by accident. groups of people across this world make this possible because a few groups of people before them had a crazy idea that life is ours for the taking and we get to paint it any fucking color we like because its the only one we got and we need to make the best of it. to make it fun. so that one day, we can learn to have fun and smile when it snows and get excited to pass on the secret we learned about life.
thats its not about playing things safe, because safe fun is for retards in bike helmets and knee pads. real fun is in the adventure of the leap from the stage to the crowd.
and real living is in the faith of knowing someone will catch you.
because you would for them. -christopher gutierrez
I continue to tell myself that I'm ok, That is like trying to convince myself that I can walk through water without getting wet Sitting here I've already began to shiver Right or wrong, I'm becoming numb to it all Everyone deserves a flame and everyone deserves to be happy
the words i have to say are too deep to be written. they are soo heavy that they could bleed right through this page. The ink in this pen can only spill so much of me at a time. It scares me to know that I have this much feeling. This may be the trigger to the countdown. I'm like a bomb ticking, waiting, praying to be set off. I'm ready, ready to explode into one hundred different directions.
I'm the only reason why I feel like this Responsible I am I'm my own worst enemy I beat myself up over and over, but for what? To see if I can recover? Pick myself up everyday, its the only way to make progress I need to be happier realize is what I need everything seems foggy, but fog is passable, not a road block There is always tomorrow, its all about the journey not the destination I wish I just knew what my future has in store for me sometimes it feels like the mountain has no peak I guess it is only up hill from here but as long as i have them by me side, everything will turn out fine...
Music should not be forced leave that to the million other things life throws at you don't try and convince me to like a band or song that I've tried listening to, that has failed to catch my ear.
When you insult someones music, that hurts. that is a personal connection that only that one person can understand
don't get worked up over it either, there are plenty other moments for that.
Live and do what you want. one of the hardest things in life is to think on your own, without being influenced by others.
oh i learned this during mass yesterday..
"Don't be a person of power, be a powerful person"
You gotta swim Swim for your life Swim for the music That saves you When you're not so sure you'll survive You gotta swim And swim when it hurts The whole world is watching You haven't come this far To fall off the earth
The currents will pull you Away from your love Just keep your head above
I found a tidal wave Begging to tear down the dawn Memories like bullets They fired at me from a gun Cracking me open yeah I swim for brighter days Despite the absence of sun Choking on salt water I'm not giving in Swim
You gotta swim For nights that won’t end Swim for your families Your lovers your sisters And brothers and friends Yeah, you gotta swim For wars without cause Swim for the lost politicians Who don't see their greed is a flaw
The currents will pull us Away from our love Just keep your head above
I found a tidal wave Begging to tear down the dawn Memories like bullets They fired at me from a gun Cracking me open yeah I swim for brighter days Despite the absence of sun Choking on salt water I'm not giving in But I'm not giving in Swim
You gotta swim Swim in the dark There's an ocean to drift in Feel the tide shifting away from the spark Yeah you gotta swim Don't let yourself sink Just follow the horizon I promise you it's not as far as you think The currents will drag us away from our love
Just keep your head above Just keep your head above Swim Just keep your head above Swim Swim Just keep your head above Swim
you can't get over the fact that we are so different you brought up this past summer you told someone who drove around Chicago for a half hour to save your ass, that you didn't know if you should consider each other friends you thought you were doing me a favor you are one of the biggest shit talkers i know and not once have i ever called you out on it or told your best friend that you sometimes can't stand her. I called you a dumbass thats it, a dumbass a word meaning" a stupid person" that doesnt mean i hate you or don't want to be your friend you went downtown with little money and then walked around at 11:00 pm by yourselves if you think that is smart, then find me someone else who agrees with you. when did you get so cocky? i really would like to know
p.s. i'm sticking to my word i'm not mad i did not cry over you
writing is a way to express yourself and set everything out in front of you so it doesn't get trapped inside and eat you away
I want this to all make sense so this is how i feel
so i left it in and listened and fell in love with this song again..
When you try your best, but you don't succeed When you get what you want, but not what you need When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face When you lose something you can't replace When you love someone but it goes to waste Could it be worse?
Lights will
guide you home, And ignite your bones, And I will try to fix you,
High up above or down below When you're too in love to let it go But if you never try you'll never know Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you
Tears stream down your face When you lose something you cannot replace Tears stream down your face And I
Tears stream down your face I promise you I will learn from my mistakes Tears stream down your face And I
Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you
Note to self: Don't stay stubborn and lonely forever Confession: I rather die than fall vulnerable Feeling right now: misses steeners and lanners Goal: stop making up excuses...
what you have taken from me could have easily been borrowed instead of stolen.
wishes everyone would: just say what they want to say loves: to argue realized: the stupidity of others can bring laughter and tears
i also miss kairos...
my friends are real, like that of gold, which I could never give away
some people need no explanation.some people just get you. those are the ones worth keepingworth fighting for, getting in trouble with and never letting go of. Someone who is as twisted as you. intertwine till the end. people wanna know how I got the way I am,just look to my side. my partner in crime,my other half,my best mate andtoo close to be sisters.no one understands us, but no one needs to. as long as we have each othernothing can stand in the way...
this is gods way of telling me that I should not be stuck in palatine because i just get bored and do stupid stuff...like attempting to steal a shopping cart? but thank god my car is small and it didnt fit...because 1 min later a cop car comes creeping up on us, while we are parked at randhurst mall... yes scary shit...
me and my best friend get bored easily...but everytime we get into the car...an adventure awaits...
but anyway i think this is a sign that i really need to be at shows everynight they keep me out of trouble....really.
hmm best concert yet? yes even if my dumbass friends didnt bring enough money and got lost in the city then called us to drive around for a half hour and pick them up.
this just proves nothing can ruin a perfect night at the metro i hope to be doing this forever
*this is a rant, meaning it doesn't flow... sorry!
life sucks. It is a one way street. You are not allowed to stop and turn around and redo. there is no map, written out for which way to stop or turn. you never know if you are on the right road The hardest thing to say to someone is always worthwhile people don't make sense people don't know what they want because of fear or regret people like facts. It is harder to live on hopes and dreams that is where we come to that infamous fork in the road I always tell myself this, You either try and get everything or don't bother and get nothing. don't depend on anyone but yourself. always be yourself or else down the road you won't be happy and you will be surrounded by the wrong people. people learn from mistakes. YOUTH THESE DAYS LIVE ON EXTREMES! we need a balance. one person can make your day. one qual conversation can make my week. things won't get better unless you get off your ass and do it yourself [obama can't make this change happen by himself, we the people need to change and take action, it is not only the president that needs to change, it is the people who live here] america the ignorant Change happens over a long long period of time. don't expect anything and you will never be let down.
me thinking [i wish there were less educated voters rather then more uneducated voters in this country....sorry]
Perfection is defined when your heart beats next to mine, and time stands still for us. My hand in your hair, and yours on my chest. Moments with you are my lifes best.
We crossed paths for a reason The planets aligned in that particular season Its clear to me that well eventually be Inseparable
I love your existence and I cant get enough
Your song is sung in your beautiful voice My senses rush cause they have no other choice I breathe you in, and I see through your eyes. You are an angel in a beautiful disguise.
We crossed paths for a reason The planets aligned in that particular season Its clear to me that well eventually be Inseparable
I love your existence and I cant get enough
So pucker up and embrace the greatness, you get me high and erase my sadness. I love your existence, and I cant get enough
“If you want to be good at something, you have to be obsessive. You have to do the thing all the time, and when you’re not doing it, you have to be thinking about doing it. Why do you think business people who make millions are so good at it? They’re always doing business. Even when they’re not working, they’re thinking about better ways to do business. Same with the greatest writers and painters. They obsess all the time. "
i agree tots... thats why i should just change my name to jess-obsessive
It's like this, hard to stomach harder to exhale full speed ahead at 100 mph into that brick wall that has stood in my way since i can't remember like the label on my back that I can't peel off everyone feels the same way at least that is what I've heard but i beg to differ you might have walked the same path, but not in these shoes
"Always Do What You Are Afraid To Do." "To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."
"You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late."
Without ambition one starts nothing. Without work one finishes nothing. The prize will not be sent to you. You have to win it. The man who knows how will always have a job. The man who also knows why will always be his boss. As to methods there may be a million and then some, but principles are few. The man who grasps principles can successfully select his own methods. The man who tries methods, ignoring principles, is sure to have trouble.
The measure of a great leader, is their success in bringing everyone around to their opinion twenty years later.
Our spontaneous action is always the best. You cannot, with your best deliberation and heed, come so close to any question as your spontaneous glance shall bring you.
alright if you can't tell, I can go on forever... here are just a few of my favs =]
Roll it out, it's over now. We're the cast-outs with messed up friends who never did fit in. Don't know where it ends. It doesn't matter now, as long as we're as one, we'll take the next bus destination: setting sun.
Graduate, paper chase, we'll get out of this place. Don't turn around. Hit the highway, pour some liquor out for this town. Now that's all for us, it's last call to drink up.
Graduation just came on shuffle on my ipod... i forced myself to listen..thinking i could finally relate to this song... I JUST FUCKING teared up like no motha fuckin knows...
my birthdayyy! yay i'm a halloween baby so yes it would be appropriate for you to call me pumpkin =] 18...ew thats two years till i turn 20...weirdddd
alright its October and I stil haven't been to a haunted house haunted corn maze fright fest or buy a pumpkin or drink some toastie apple cider
whats wrong with me?!?!
"It's called growing up." cool I don't wanna....
alright plans for today bingo and st joes with lanners then...I'm FREEEE! wait i should probz buy my mom a birthday present... yess then proll hanging out with the brat pack later...sweeeet =]
if fall out boy gave in and wrote another album like tttyg which would be impossible because those boys are never gonna be 16/17 years old again. they are never gonna have real feelings for some chick and wish she would just, "Choke on those words that kiss that bottle" again
If they wrote another album like tttyg they would be giving the public what they want, They would just be writing what YOU KIDS wants to hear. and for all you punk-ass kids(who used to be fob fans) who say fob only writes for the public and media...your soo far wrong its not even funny
if they were writing songs just to please people THEN YOU WOULD LIKE THEM! they would be pleasing you
and guess what, they aren't they are writing about stuff that actually matters to them, their real feelings on issues that stupid kids like you don't understand
musicians are artist they are the people with the megaphone expressing what they feel
they shouldn't be business men dying to sell us their "Product" so they are gonna write what THEY want to write and if you don't like it..fuck it, don't buy the cd
sorry for the rant... i just thought that was important and I needed to get that out there
p.s go read patrick stumps interview on absolutepunk.net i read it a couple days ago and fell right back in love with him =] he mentions a lot of stuff i wrote up there and more soo yesss.....goo check it out
so i love making new friends especially concert friends and especially cause It was bound to happen sooner or later haha
but yes yesterday was fun The frantic at penny road pub was awesome those boys blow me away every time i see them I just love watching people perform and kudos to Kyle and Brett for being sick and still going on and playing an awesome show! "Lone star girls are crazy" wow i'm glad i almost fell over and died when i heard that song...bahahahhaha
well the rest of the day was legit fun aswell... eating and hanging out at panda with some awesome girls was qual then i hung out with christina.... hahaha we just had too much fun she put in my extentions and she looked fucking awesome then sat in my car with the seats all the way down and just talked talked and talked..about everything hahaha "Baking love" yes we made a new phrase haha then off to hang with an awesome kid, keeth this kid idk he amazes me to no end...end of story
but yes then went to tays and hung for a tiny bit and then back home for mee talked to some awesome people online got my heart broken again by the cubs... Its funny how us cubs fans never get used to that feeling of losing hmm yes they have taught what tough love is..hmm yes
ok well hopefull im going to see danger today downtown shall be a grand time =]=]=]
Roll with the punches Because you know that it’s inevitable Soon to be unforgettable, yet, totally unpredictable I’m either calling it quits or you’re calling me out Its not who or what you know because you’re better with nothing at all.
I play so i can forget save me block out their screams suddenly it's only me and my keys playing to one uplifting melody say a prayer with eyes shut and breath held now I'm gone....
hmmm if you ever come to my house and it is quite...something is very wrong I swear all everyone does is yell..no wonder i always have a headache and yes i admit i like to argue and yell but walk in my shoes for a day and you will see why i am the way i am...
alright go learn something new, if you dont your brain will turn to mush..seriously
i just learned save by the rocket summer on the piano
It's finally getting colder you change like the leaves from summer to fall It's that uncomfortable chill that dances up and down my spine makes me want to tremble Fall feels a bit different this year they say you learn from the best and if your "the best" i will have no problem settling for less She cries and wonders what she did wrong but you wouldn't know this, only we do you are out doing as you please leaving her to sleep alone in that cold empty bed that makes her feel small Every little girl wants to believe that her dad is superman that guy who makes all her problems disappear but tell me what happens when superman doesn't want to be the super hero anymore? It's the fact that you gave in, you quit, you threw in the towel with time still left on the clock It's disappointing and it hurts and you know what? i still love you, not that I could ever switch that off but sometimes I wish i had that button just to tell you how i really feel, the way your making everyone else feel but your my family, and when your family you back each other up Just like if you wanted a serious opinion on a new song you wrote you would never go ask your family what they thought because of course they would answer "I love it!" So this sickness of love is making my heart feel heavy Once you've lost they say you won the game of love. So I guess I've won, now whats the prize?
to the kids who glow in the dark this is for you I love the way your light never dims It can never be turned off not in my head at least. You are my lucky stars in the sky "never settle" i hear you say It's what I aim to do Stay Legit You are the dreamer who doesn't believe in the impossible. Stay Fierce thats what I like about you most You are the artist, the girl who shines so bright Stay Positive "They're my everything" To the freshiest of the fresh Stay brutal Don't let anyone tell you different, you have to stay sharp kid
Living is easy when you have friends who are just as Insane as you