Saturday, July 19, 2008

So It 4:03 am
and I'm really upset.
Upset to say that I have lost contact with some of my closest friends.
Even though they don't listen to the same bands as me or interested in the same boys as me.
They were always my friends first.
They judged me but still loved me for being different.
Some even showed interest in some of the obsessions I have and I pushed them away because of it.
My eyes sting from crying, just to think that I did this.
I distanced myself from them.
Some were there for me through the hardest times in my life.
Like my parents divorce. 
They never hesitated once to ask me how i was doing or if i needed someone to talk to.
I miss them soo much. And cannot thank them enough for being there for me. <3
To know that they have forgotten about me and have moved on with their lives, it's like a knife to the gut.
I call them. text them. and I get nothing in return.
Things like that keep me up at night. 
Makes me ache in places i didn't know i had feeling in.
I thought I'd be friends with these people forever. 
But this one summer really has changed me.
and now I'm starting to wonder if its for the better

A couple of days ago i attempted to hang with an old friend.
I coulnt connect with her.
It was like we were both 2 different people with no common ground.
We were on thin ice and I fell straight threw. 

It is whenever I'm getting really comfortable with something, it gets taken from me.
Without even a warning
I never would have seen this coming. 

Like right now. I'm crashing.
My cousin hates me.
My friends want nothing to do with me.
And its almost half way through summer and no guy has taken one interest in me. 

Maybe I'm just going crazy, because I never sleep.
this life style sucks.

going to bed at 5 and waking up at 3 cant be good for anyone...

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